A new study has shown that men in unhappy marriages are dying early. In this article, I will discuss the findings of this new research.
Life experience
Throughout my 30+ years of life that Allah has given me on this earth, I have observed many couples from different families. There was always a pattern that kept repeating itself.
In many marriages, the wife was often in good shape, and she would control the children. These children would obey the mother faithfully and ignore the father with contempt. The children’s education, their jobs and earnings, their arranged marriages, and their future lives would all be decided by the mother and the father would only serve the placeholder role of ‘man of the house‘ to the outside world.
In such relationships where the woman was in charge and made all the decisions, the husband did not have much value in the household and he would develop several health problems and eventually die before the wife due to this miserable state.
The stress will kill you
New research published in the Journal of Clinal Medicine on 16 April 2021 titled ‘Dissatisfaction with Married Life in Men Is Related to Increased Stroke and All-Cause Mortality‘ has proven my personal observations to be accurate. If you want to read all the details you can check it out by clicking here.
The title of this study means that men who are unhappy in their marriage have a stroke or die thorough another health problem.
In other words, living in an unhappy marriage makes a man’s life shorter and his sad life can cause his early death.
The Islamic Position
As a Muslim, I am not trying to scare people away from marriage. Marriage in Islam is called Nikah and it is a very important part of our faith because the beloved Prophet Muhammad (
) said:
“Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me….”
Sunan Ibn Majah 1846
This duty of marriage makes it Halal to live together with a woman and to increase the Ummah of the Prophet () through her by giving her children. A Nikah is something that equates to completing half of a man’s faith. It is not something to run away from but instead, something that should be promoted.
Nevertheless……
At the same time, a man shouldn’t have to put up with a life of slavery once his Nikah has taken place because Islam places the man in charge of women instead of being their equal or their servant. A person in charge doesn’t have to listen to someone he is in charge of, just like a boss can ignore what his workers say.
Many times, ignoring what women want is the best option and it is for their own good. I wrote extensively about it here. Check it out after this read.
Love is sacrifice
There’s no point sacrificing yourself for your family who isn’t willing to sacrifice their time, money and value for you. In other words, if they don’t love you, you don’t have a duty to love them back. If a man talks about his family being everything for him, that means he has no other options.
This is not love. It is desperation because the man is always living in fear.
He fears that if he disagrees with his wife, she will deny him sex, food or accommodation, and if things get worse she may breakup the relationship and take the kids which will leave him all alone and by himself.
The idea of being extremely loyal to your children is another nasty mental trap that women have used to manipulate men throughout history that can turn men into inhumane creature. You can read up on it here.
She’s not yours, it’s just your turn
A woman doesn’t belong to any 1 man. It’s just his turn. I have written about this subject in another article. You can go and check it our here.
Nice Muslim gentlemen will say that they are loyal to their wife and children, but the fact is that if they suddenly die one day, their wife will very easily move on to the next man who can provide for her, and there is nothing wrong with that. That is her Haqq and her complete Islamic right. A woman needs to be provided for and protected in the Dunya because she is unable to independently do that for herself.
The problem is that the modern man is brainwashed by Bollywood and the media to think that his woman will love him so much that she will never get married to another man if he dies. These delusional and childish thoughts are completely incorrect. A woman should get married to another man as quickly as possible if her husband dies so she can stay protected and the new man can continue to provide for her like her previous husband.
Once men can stop thinking like women and fully understand that a wife or even a Haram girlfriend doesn’t belong to them, they can start acting differently and make decisions like strong men. False beliefs keep men in a delusional fantasy that isn’t real with unreal expectations. Men with understanding will know that if they cannot be strong with their personality or they cannot provide, she will leave him and go to another man who can do these things for her. That is a woman’s right in Islam.
The solution
Naturally the questions that shines here is, what should a man do to make sure he doesn’t end up dead in his current depressing relationship?
The answer is: he must change his thinking. That is the big mission I am working on. I only want to change men’s thinking. Once the men have a strong mindset, the women will automatically follow. That is their nature because they are not leaders.
Once a man understands that a woman is only with him so that he can provide for her, he can stop being a prisoner to the fear of losing his wife. When a man stops being scared, he becomes free. He can accept the truth and make the painful decision that he was too afraid to make before this mentality change.
Conclusion
Nobody can protect the family like the father. The family only realise the value of their father after his death. But what good are memories? Memories cannot protect the family.
Protecting the leader is protecting the house. I want to protect families from losing their leader.
Do you agree?